The other day some parents told me that their daughter has been told from the beginning that the gifts she receives every Christmas, are not “bought” by the Reyes or Santa Claus. It was the first time he had met someone who had done it: he had dared to challenge the idea that doing so might involve loading the illusion and innocence of the children. I’m still amazed.
I do not have children and, therefore, there are feelings that I can not experience, so the positioning on this issue, I do not know why in this particular, it was complex. But after knowing this experience, I see everything more clearly.
It turns out that these parents did not want to cheat on their daughter, did not want to lie to her, nor did she want to live Christmas. So they told him the tradition as they live it: transmitting that it is a story, like someone who tells a legend, of something that happened a lot of years ago and that now is remembered celebrating Christmas, and among other things, the nativity scene is recreated or ride of kings, as is done with Holy Week.
The girl receives gifts on the dates indicated but knows that their parents buy them. And he is satisfied. She knows there are many children who do not know this, and she keeps the secret. And live Christmas to the fullest. She has an illusion, she loves to live it as other children do, but knowing the truth.
This topic began to worry me a few months ago when preparing a session for the course of Emotional Alphabetization for adults, entitled “Illusion without being deluded,” I dived into the depths of human behavior to see why it was so hard to get excited. And I discovered that it costs us so much because we do not know how to face disappointment, we can, we feel quite helpless before it. And deepening a little more, I came across one of the first disappointments we experienced as children: that of discovering that something in which we deposited a lot of illusion, magic, innocence, something we believed in, DOES NOT EXIST. But I think the most serious thing of all is where the deception comes from: the people we trust the most, OUR PARENTS. And the silly face that you have left …
They take you out of an innocence that they have taken advantage of (with their best intentions, surely) without asking permission, they make you grow suddenly and everything stops shining and being magical.
And we stop making illusions.
Perhaps this reflection to many seems exaggerated, but I still do not know a way to tell a child that kings are the parents without a good tantrum.
My intention with this post is not to judge anyone, everyone who does what they want, that is very important, but parents who would like to learn how to manage this topic, I encourage you to know examples like this. What has it been?
- In not lying to children deliberately about something unnecessary. Children have a magical thought to develop, apart from the Magi. You can always believe in the elves, the dragons or the fairies, there are adults who also do it, it is a question of beliefs.
- You can celebrate Christmas the same, with your gifts and others, but knowing the real origin.
- Count the truth from the beginning, without judging others.
- Transmit to your child the importance of respecting the beliefs of others, which means not telling “the truth” to other children, not because it is wrong, but because they have been made to understand that they are options and that they would hurt others children who did it.
- Perhaps it may seem difficult, but I know that these parents are doing well and is allowing them to be consistent with themselves, which will provide them with peace of mind and solidity when it comes to educating their daughter.
I hope you found this post interesting. I just wanted to convey that there are always ways for almost everything.